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Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy Before You Start: When to Go, How to Prepare and How to Choose a Therapist

Rasika Karkare Rasika Karkare (Counseling Psychologist) | May 22, 2026
Clinically Reviewed Evidence Based
1778707541

    Why Go to Couples Therapy?

    "Love recognises no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope."

                                       **- Maya Angelou**

    Love and relationships can be beautiful, bringing a sense of support and happiness; however, they aren't always easy. Even the most loving relationships can go through ups and downs. This is where couples therapy can help.

    Couples therapy, also known as couples counselling, is a form of talk therapy specifically designed to help couples address relationship conflicts and issues, improve communication and strengthen their overall relationship. While many couples hesitate to seek therapy and consider it a last resort, there are several reasons why couples may want to consider joining couples therapy.

    What is Couples Therapy?

    Couples therapy is a type of psychotherapy in which a licensed therapist works with couples to create a safe and supportive environment that facilitates open and honest conversations between them. The goal of couples therapy is to help partners gain insight into their relationship dynamics, deeper emotions, resolve conflicts, and enhance their relationship satisfaction through a variety of therapeutic interventions.

    Typically, couples therapy focuses on:

    • Addressing specific issues such as trust, intimacy, jealousy, or family conflicts.
    • Treating the relationship itself as the client, rather than each partner individually.
    • Using practical, solution-focused techniques to promote meaningful change early in the process.
    • Establishing clear, shared goals that both partners work toward together.

    Key Benefits of Couples Therapy

    It Can Help Improve Communication

    Most couples would agree with the fact that communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. However, as a relationship progresses, partners may realize that they have not been communicating as well as they used to before. This lack of communication can lead to other issues, such as misunderstandings, arguments and emotional strain for both partners. Couples therapy can help address these communication difficulties by providing partners with a safe space to voice their concerns and also by providing them with skills and resources to communicate with each other in healthier ways.

    It Can Help Rebuild Trust

    Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, when trust is broken, it can be difficult to rebuild it. A lack of trust can lead to constant conflicts, insecurities, etc and sometimes it can contribute to the breaking of the relationship as well. Couples therapy space can help both partners address their feelings of insecurity, while also providing them with strategies to regain lost trust.

    It Can Help With Conflict Resolution

    Although it might sound odd or even surprising, relationship researcher and psychologist Dr. John Gottman believes that conflict is part of every healthy relationship. In fact, research states that 69% of relationship conflicts are due to perpetual issues. These issues arise from fundamental differences in the personalities of both partners. Thus, conflict management is an integral part of relationships. Couples therapy helps couples identify unhealthy patterns of interaction that might be contributing to these conflicts while also providing them with tools and techniques to navigate conflicts effectively.

    Every relationship goes through various phases of transition. Whether it is deciding to get married, deciding to move to another country, or deciding to step into parenthood, all these transitions can be mentally and emotionally challenging for many couples. Couples therapy can not only provide support but also provide couples with coping strategies to go through these transitions effectively.

    Gain a Deeper Understanding of Your Relationship Dynamic

    A major benefit is that you can begin to really understand your relationship dynamics. How do you communicate and navigate through conflict? Do you fall into any negative communication patterns? Are your conflicts centered around the same issues?

    All of these questions can help you gain a deeper insight into your relationship and individual needs, while also providing a path to strengthen the bond between you and your partner.

    Begin to See Each Other's Perspectives

    It's common and normal to see a relationship through our own perspective. Many times, we are so overwhelmed by our emotions that we struggle to see our partner's point of view. It's not about being selfish, but it's natural to have a deeper understanding of our own perspective.

    A therapist can help you objectively look at both sides of a disagreement while also helping you work through miscommunication, empowering you to resolve current and future conflicts together.

    Clarify Your Feelings About the Relationship

    You may begin therapy believing that you'll do whatever it takes to heal the relationship and stay together. You might also come to therapy wondering if your relationship is salvageable. Either way, therapy can help you explore, understand, and clarify your feelings.

    A therapist can help you and your partner decide what you want moving forward and then give you strategic ways to reach those relationship goals. Whether this means parting ways or figuring out what it'll take to make the relationship work, a huge benefit of couples counselling can be clarifying your feelings.

    Deepen Your Intimacy and Connection

    One of the biggest benefits of couples counselling is the effect it can have on intimacy and a connection with your partner. Emotional and physical intimacy is a common problem for many relationships, especially when you've been together for a long time, and it feels like that spark has dimmed.

    Focusing on each other's wants, needs, and desires is important, but there's more to it than just the physical side of a relationship. Working on communication and respect in therapy can allow the intimacy aspect to follow, often naturally.

    Identifying Strengths

    Another benefit of couples therapy is that it doesn't just focus on addressing problems or issues, but also helps couples identify their strengths and build on them. Recognizing strengths in the relationship helps both partners appreciate each other's contributions to the relationship, leading to a deeper connection and an increased understanding of the relationship.

    Preventive Care

    Many couples believe that couples therapy is an option only for crises or difficult situations. However, the truth is that couples therapy can benefit any couple who wants to work on their relationship. By addressing concerns early on and developing healthy relationship habits, couples can prevent small issues from escalating into major problems and strengthen their bond over time.

    Other Benefits

    Couples therapy can benefit a relationship in several other ways, such as:

    • It can help increase commitment among partners

    • It can help identify and address individual issues that might be contributing to relationship conflicts

    • It can help address issues related to sex and physical intimacy.

         **'Strong couples give their best selves to one another, not the leftovers after the world is done with them.'**

    When Should Couples Go to Therapy?

    Most people go to couples therapy when intimacy or communication is stuck and perhaps on life support. The couple is usually at a crossroads, not knowing how to move forward or if they even want to move forward anymore.

    Healthy couples can benefit from couples therapy too, as it's an opportunity to improve connection and communication.

    Some common signs that indicate the need for couples therapy are:

    • Poor communication with your partner
    • Feelings of boredom or numbness about your relationship
    • Wanting to learn how to have healthy conflict
    • Having the same fight over and over again without a resolution
    • A desire to improve your relationship
    • Feeling distant from your partner
    • Feeling like you're not getting something you need (for example, time or affection)
    • Tackling a big life event (like moving, a new job, or a tough decision)
    • Managing the transition from couplehood to new parenthood
    • Managing the transition from parenthood to empty nesting
    • The presence of a betrayal (an affair or unfaithfulness)

    Is It Ever Too Late To Go To Couples Therapy?

    Many couples resist couples therapy, thinking that it might be ''too late'' for them to seek therapy. Dr. John Gottman, a notable psychologist and marriage researcher, discovered that an average couple waits six years to seek therapy for serious relationship issues. The longer a couple waits to seek help, the longer it can take for them to see results or improvements. Thus, timing plays a crucial role in the overall effectiveness and impact of a couple's therapy.

    It is also important to understand that it's never too late to seek help. While some couples may benefit from therapy early on in their relationship when issues first arise, other couples may wait until issues have escalated before they approach a couples therapist for help. Regardless, of when a couple decides to go for therapy, it is the commitment that matters in the end. It's never too late if both partners are willing to change and commit to the therapy process.

    Understanding The Importance Of Commitment In Couples Therapy

    As discussed before, commitment is an integral part of the couple's therapy process. In fact, commitment from both partners plays a major role in the success of the therapy process. A few signs of commitment are:

    Accountability

    Accountability is crucial to the success of couples therapy. Accountability is when both partners are willing to take responsibility for their roles in the relationship conflict and are open to making the necessary changes.

    Open Communication

    Communication is the backbone of a healthy relationship. One of the major goals of couples therapy is to improve communication among partners. When both partners are willing to communicate and listen to each other's concerns about the relationship with an open mind, the therapy process is likely to be beneficial.

    Patience

    Couples therapy is a process, and it generally takes a few sessions to see significant growth or changes. Thus, it requires long-term commitment and effort from both partners. When both partners are willing to be patient with each other, the therapy process is more likely to be successful.

    Consistency With Homework

    Homework is an integral part of the therapy process. It helps couples to apply what they have learned from therapy sessions to real-life situations in the outside world. Homework is also an indicator of progress. When both partners are willing to participate in homework exercises, they are likely to see progress.

    Are There Situations Where Couples Therapy Is Less Effective?

    Thus far we have talked about the importance of timing and commitment from partners in a couple's therapy. However, there are a few situations where couples therapy is less likely to be effective. They are:

    • One or both partners are blaming each other and are unwilling to take accountability for their roles in the conflict.
    • There is a lack of respect and ongoing violence in the relationship
    • One or both partners are unwilling to be honest with each other
    • One partner is disinterested in therapy or has already withdrawn from the relationship
    • There is ongoing infidelity in the relationship.

    In one of the previous articles, we talked in-depth about a few situations where couples therapy might not be effective.

    Why Invite a Third Person (Counsellor) Into Your Relationship?

    Interpersonal relationships in India have always been considered sacred, and people are not encouraged to share their problems outside the four walls of their homes. This has led to a large amount of stigma and taboo associated with relationships, especially in the Indian context.

    Seeking help from professionals for relationship issues has not been encouraged. Hence, many people feel hesitant at the thought of involving a marriage counsellor in their relationship. However, doing this can be beneficial for many reasons, and thus, it should be encouraged so that both partners can take steps to strengthen their relationship.

    Some reasons to involve a counsellor in relationships include:

    #1 Counselors maintain a neutral stance without taking anyone's side in particular. This means that the counsellor remains impartial to what is being said by both partners while remaining as close as possible to their opinions. A counsellor is also able to provide objective opinions and help people look at their problems from a neutral or different perspective.

    #2 A counsellor builds a safe space for both partners to speak about their own concerns freely, honestly and without any judgment. Counselling helps a couple to address and table their individual opinions about the relationship in a safe environment. They can provide a safe space for people to work through their difficulties and re-establish communication. Couples can replicate this similar safe space in their lives outside of therapy, too.

    #3 Difficult conversations don't turn into fights or arguments in the presence of a professional. These kinds of conversations are handled in a mutually respectful way by counsellors. Counselors act as mediators or guiding forces between the two partners and help them utilize skills, set short-term goals or come up with healthy strategies to work on the relationship in a better way.

    #4 A counsellor can also help restore trust between two partners if they have undergone trust-breaking issues, such as infidelity. Seeking the services of a couples therapist ensures both parties can regain trust positively and healthily. This will keep the relationship moving in the right direction, even after the trust is broken. If future issues do arise, couples will not resort to losing trust or blaming the other party based on their prior behaviors. The relationship can truly grow and move forward, which is something very difficult to do without the help of a trained counsellor.

    #5 Couples therapy cannot be considered magic. It is not a sure or definite solution to all the problems in a relationship. There's no guarantee that it will yield only positive outcomes for both partners. However, it might be good to try a few sessions to see if you are willing to give it what it takes to make the relationship work. However, if you feel that the relationship is not meant to be, then a counsellor can help you make this decision and receive mutual closure for the relationship that both partners deserve.

    #6 Lastly, couples therapy provides each of the partners with a good opportunity and space to work through their individual issues that might be affecting their relationship jointly. In such cases, individual sessions can be arranged for that person.

    Stages of Couples Counselling

    The thought of going for couples therapy can be distressing, especially for couples who are going to therapy for the first time. However, the experience can be fruitful and easier when the couple knows what they can expect from the therapy sessions.

    Couple's counselling is a structured process involving various stages aimed at helping the couple navigate through their relationship issues effectively. The structure of therapy usually depends upon the style of therapy being used by the couple's therapist, but understanding the general structure of couples' therapy can help couples prepare for it effectively.

    Initial Assessment

    The first stage of couples counselling usually involves initial assessment and intake. In this stage, the therapist creates an open and welcoming environment, a safe space for couples to share their issues. Both partners are allowed to speak about their worries and concerns. The therapist may ask questions of the couple regarding their relationship history, areas of conflict, current challenges and individual backgrounds. This stage helps the therapist understand the unique relationship dynamics, allowing them to tailor the counselling approach accordingly.

    Goal Setting

    Once the assessment is done, the therapist and the couple collaboratively establish goals for the counselling process. These goals could include improving communication, resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, or addressing specific issues such as infidelity or intimacy issues. Setting clear and achievable goals provides a clear roadmap for sessions.

    Treatment Planning

    Based on the goals, the therapist and the couple will develop a plan of action or treatment. In this stage, the therapist will use exercises, observation and guided discussions to help couples identify negative patterns of interaction that might require changing. The therapist may also conduct a few sessions with each partner individually to understand their perspectives on the relationship. This stage is important as it increases self-awareness among partners, while also helping them uncover areas for growth within the relationship.

    Skill Building

    Once the areas for improvement have been identified and a treatment plan is in place, the couple and the therapist work towards building skills that will help improve the relationship dynamics. This may include communication techniques, conflict resolution skills, emotional regulation, and empathy-building exercises.

    Exploring New Patterns of Interaction

    Once the couple learns new skills in the therapy space, the therapist encourages them to implement these skills in real-life situations. This stage involves practising effective communication, problem-solving, and conflict-resolution techniques in everyday interactions. These newly acquired skills help the couple create healthier patterns of interaction, leading to positive experiences.

    Regular Reviews

    Reviews are an important part of the counselling process. Periodic check-ins and feedback help the couple and the therapist understand if the process is going in the right direction. The therapist frequently evaluates the effectiveness of interventions, addresses any emerging issues, and makes changes to the treatment plan when required. This regular assessment ensures that the counselling process remains focused and tailored to the couple's evolving needs.

    Termination and Maintenance

    Once the goals of therapy are achieved or significant progress is made, the therapist and the couple mutually agree to terminate the counseling process. This may be done by gradually reducing the frequency of sessions, allowing the couple to practice the newly learned skills independently. The stage also involves reflecting on the changes and making plans to sustain these improvements. Sometimes the couple may also choose to schedule follow-up sessions to monitor the progress and address any relapse in issues if it occurs.

    How Long Does Couples Therapy Take?

    Most couples have a lot of questions when they think of seeking marriage counseling for the first time. Many of them wonder how long they will have to see the therapist. Every relationship is different and comes with its own unique challenges, thus, there is no straightforward answer as to how long couples therapy might take. Couples therapy is not a space to get a quick fix, instead, it is a long-term commitment that both partners show toward the betterment of their relationship. However, to start seeing signs of improvement in yourself and your relationship, one definitely needs to take a minimum of 10-12 sessions.

    Couples therapy generally starts out with the couple meeting the therapist once a week. The frequency of sessions can continue to change, depending upon the progress and the needs of the couple. The length of time differs for every couple, some couples might benefit from a few sessions, while others may need continued and regular support. The couple can work with the therapist to create a treatment plan that fits their unique needs.

    Factors That Influence the Duration of Couples Therapy

    The Goals of the Couple

    In the first session, the therapist will ask the couple about their goals and expectations. When the therapist understands the nature and the intensity of the couple's goals, it helps them to get an idea of how long the therapy process will take. If a couple has only one or two goals, therapy might last only for a few sessions, whereas if there are multiple goals to be accomplished, it might take longer.

    The Intensity of Issues Being Addressed

    Couples therapy can help deal with a variety of issues ranging from communication issues to issues like loss of trust due to infidelity. The timeframe of therapy will change depending upon the severity of the issues and also the kind of impact the issue is having on the relationship.

    Individual Therapy

    Individual therapy along with couples therapy can help some people. Going through individual therapy can help both partners to become aware and deal with specific individual issues that might be impacting the relationship which might lead to significant improvement in couples' work.

    Consistency of Sessions

    Consistency plays a vital role in determining how couples progress in therapy. Being regular with sessions can help in consistent progress while irregularity in sessions hampers the therapy process, leading to a longer duration in therapy.

    The Commitment of Both Partners

    Couples therapy is a process that requires a lot of effort and commitment from both partners. It can be difficult for a couple to make progress if one or both partners are resistant to change. It is important for the couple to work on their relationship outside of therapy. This might mean being open to change and implementing homework discussed in therapy in real-life situations. It can be helpful to discuss any resistance with the therapist so that they can help you work through it.

    The Therapy Approach

    The approach used by the therapist can be one of the factors influencing the timeframe of therapy. It might be helpful to ask the therapist about their approach in the first session.

    The therapist puts in 50% of their effort along with the couple's efforts of 50% during the therapy process. They aim to make the couple independent of the therapy process so that in the future they deal with their concerns skillfully and with confidence. A good ethical therapist will be the happiest when their couple does not need therapy anymore! The key is to keep having regular open chats with your therapist about the therapy process, the scope of work, the frequency of sessions, the length required of therapy, etc.

    How To Prepare For Couples Counselling

    Are you nervous before your first session with a couple's therapist? If you answered yes, you are not alone. Most couples feel nervous before their first session with a couple's therapist, as they are not aware of what to expect from the counselling process. However, it is important to know that couples can make the most of their sessions by preparing effectively.

    Ensure Both Partners Are Ready And Committed

    Couple counselling is most effective when both partners are willing to commit and are fully invested in the process. Both partners should be willing to talk about their concerns openly and to make the necessary changes for the betterment of the relationship. A lack of willingness from one or both partners can significantly hamper the therapy process. A few ways to ensure that both of you are committed to the process are:

    • Clarify expectations from each other before the first session
    • Ensure that both of you feel safe communicating with each other
    • Validate each other's emotions, such as fear, and nervousness, about seeking couple therapy
    • Be open to listening and understanding each other's perspectives

    Keep An Open Mind

    While people are becoming more aware of mental health, many couples approach therapy with a lot of misconceptions, which can hinder progress or openness in therapy. Some common misconceptions about couples therapy are:

    • Therapy is only for 'crazy people'.
    • Couples should be able to sort out all their issues without external help
    • Couples counselling is only for those who are on the brink of divorce.

    These misconceptions can lead to emotions such as shame, and guilt and stop couples from fully committing to the therapy process.

    Discuss Shared Goals

    Goals are the most important part of couples counselling and provide direction to the whole process. So take time to discuss what you and your partner want to achieve from the counseling process. Make sure that you and your partners are on the same page regarding the goals, Deciding on goals can also help you feel motivated throughout the process. Some examples of goals are:

    • Learning conflict resolution skills
    • Improving communication or learning better ways of communicating
    • Managing emotions in healthier ways

    Set Realistic Expectations

    While couples counselling can certainly be beneficial, it is important to set realistic expectations. Many couples step into counselling expecting the therapist to provide them with immediate 'solutions' or quick fixes. However, it is important to understand that couples therapy is a process that requires time and commitment from both partners.

    Make A List

    The first therapy session can be overwhelming, with both partners having a lot to share. This can lead to a lot of confusion and lack of focus. Thus, it is advisable to create a list of potential issues that you'd like to bring up in the first session. You can also consider making a list of any questions that you'd like to ask the therapist as well.

    Be Open To Sharing Personal History

    A couple's therapist will not only explore the relationship dynamics, but they will also explore the family dynamics, relationships, childhoods and other important aspects of the lives of both partners. This is important so that the therapist can understand the root causes of issues in the relationship currently. Answering deeply personal questions regarding your relationships with parents, family, etc. can be overwhelming, but understand that it is crucial for the process.

    What Questions Will A Marriage Counsellor Ask You?

    Are you considering marriage counselling but unsure what to expect? You're not alone. The first session can feel scary. Many couples wonder what the process will look like and what kind of questions a marriage counsellor might ask them during the initial sessions. Knowing what to expect can help you feel prepared and more comfortable as you take steps toward a healthier, stronger relationship.

    Questions About Your Goals and Expectations

    Marriage counselling typically begins with understanding your expectations from the process. Goals provide a direction and help the counselor understand what you hope to achieve together.

    A few questions your counsellor may ask to explore your goals are:

    1. What brings you to marriage counselling?
    2. What do you hope to achieve by the end of the process?
    3. Are there any specific issues you would like to address?

    Individual Relationship History

    Past experiences can sometimes influence your current relationships, and understanding past relationship patterns may help your counselor to identify the root cause of present issues as well.

    Some of these questions may include:

    1. How did you two meet? What attracted you towards each other?
    2. Have you faced any challenges in your relationships before? How did you overcome them?
    3. What are your relationship's most significant and memorable events that deepened your connection?

    Communication Patterns in Your Relationship

    Effective communication is key to a healthy relationship. Your counsellor may ask how you and your partner express your feelings, manage differences, and listen to each other. These questions help identify areas where communication might be breaking down and how it can be rebuilt.

    Some examples of communication-related questions are:

    1. What makes you and your partner feel heard?
    2. How do you usually express your feelings towards each other?
    3. Are there any topics that lead to frequent communication breakdowns?

    Questions About Conflicts and Arguments

    Every married couple experiences conflict in their relationship, but the way they manage that conflict can significantly impact the quality of their relationship. Thus, understanding conflict patterns in your relationship will help your counselor empower you with healthier ways of communication and conflict management.

    Some of these questions are:

    1. How do you typically handle conflicts?
    2. What are some of the issues that appear repeatedly in your conflicts?
    3. What are some things you'd like to improve when it comes to conflict management?

    Questions About Emotional Intimacy

    A strong emotional connection is the foundation of a lasting relationship. Your counsellor may explore how you support each other and whether both partners feel emotionally fulfilled. These questions will be crucial to building trust and strengthening your emotional bond as a couple.

    A few examples of emotional intimacy-related questions are:

    1. How do you support each other during difficult times?
    2. Do you feel supported by your partner?
    3. Are there any emotional needs that are not being met?

    Your Needs and Expectations From Your Relationship

    Every couple has some needs and expectations from their relationship, and when these expectations are unmet, they can lead to frustration and conflict. Identifying unmet needs can uncover repressed emotions and help in deeper, meaningful conversations.

    Here are a few questions your counsellor might ask:

    1. What kind of support do you want from your partner?
    2. Are there any unsaid expectations that might be creating tensions in the relationship?
    3. How do these unmet expectations make you feel about your partner and your relationship?

    Aspirations for the Future

    Finally, your counselor may ask you some questions about your future goals and aspirations to determine if you and your partner have similar long-term visions for your relationship. Building a shared vision can motivate you and your partner to work towards improving your relationship.

    Some questions your counsellor may ask are:

    • How do you envision the future of your relationship?
    • What are your long-term goals as a couple?

    The important part to remember is that there are no right or wrong answers to any of the questions, so answer them freely to make the most of your marriage counselling journey.

    Conclusion

    Couples therapy offers a variety of benefits that make it a valuable resource for couples looking to strengthen their relationship. From improving communication and resolving conflicts to navigating transitions and identifying and building on strengths, couples therapy can provide couples with support and space that help their relationship grow and thrive in the long run.

    Many couples have reservations regarding marriage counseling as they might be uncomfortable sharing confidential information about their married lives with a third person. However, marriage counselling is a completely safe and confidential space, and getting a neutral person's perspective can be beneficial to your relationship in several ways.

    Don't look at couple or marriage counselling as an exercise. Rather, believe that this is probably an opportunity for you and your partner to bond and connect at a deeper level once again.

    Want to explore marriage counselling in a safe and supportive environment? Click here to book a session with our trained couples therapist and take the first step towards a stronger connection with your partner.

    References

    Rasika Karkare

    I am a certified therapist and have an experience of working with various psychological vulnerabilities for more than 4.5 years. I have been working with adults in the age range 18-40 years who present a wide range of emotional/mental health concerns. In my practice, I strictly adhere to therapies based on scientific evidence and value ethical guidelines provided by APA (American Psychological Association).

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