Do you often second-guess your actions or decisions, feeling like you’ve ‘messed up’ or done something wrong? You’re not alone. Many people struggle with this feeling—often called a guilt complex—which can affect work, relationships, and self-esteem. It usually arises from a combination of factors, including childhood experiences, personality traits, and the way we talk to ourselves. This article will help you understand the psychological reasons behind the guilt complex and share practical steps to help you overcome it.
Why do I feel like I’ve always done something wrong?
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Negative Self-Talk
Our self-talk is the way we talk to ourselves. Our self-talk often affects how we feel about ourselves. People who believe that they are always doing something wrong or making a mistake may have overly harsh or critical self-talk. While constructive criticism can help us grow, being overly critical of ourselves can shatter our confidence, leading to issues such as low self-esteem. Ironically, low self-esteem puts us at risk of making more mistakes, thus creating a vicious cycle of self-criticism.
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Perfectionism
People who struggle with perfectionistic tendencies may also feel that they are constantly doing something wrong. This is because they often set unrealistically high standards for themselves, and when they aren’t able to meet these ‘near-perfect’ standards, they end up feeling that they did something wrong.
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Comparison With Others
Constant comparison with others might lead us to believe that we are always doing something wrong. This is because constant comparison with others might leave us with feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy about ourselves, leading to increased self-doubt, which might make us believe that we are constantly doing something wrong.
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Childhood Experiences
Our childhood experiences play a huge part in how we think and feel about ourselves. If a child grows up in a household where they are always criticised or made to feel guilty about their mistakes, they may continue to believe that they are constantly doing something wrong, even as adults.
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Lack of Self-awareness
Some people may find it hard to acknowledge any positives within themselves; this is primarily due to a lack of self-awareness. When we focus all our attention on our mistakes while disregarding our positive qualities, we are more likely to feel as if we are always doing something wrong.
How to overcome the guilt complex?
Coping with excessive feelings of guilt or the thought that you always end up doing something wrong is overwhelming. However, one can overcome this thought by using the strategies mentioned in the table below,
| Strategy | Explanation | Practical Steps |
|---|---|---|
| Increase Self-Awareness | Becoming more aware of your strengths and achievements helps reduce excessive guilt. |
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| Challenge Negative Self-Talk | Negative self-talk reinforces feelings of guilt. Replacing it with realistic, positive thoughts can shift your mindset. |
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| Cultivate Acceptance of Mistakes | Accepting mistakes as part of learning reduces self-criticism and guilt. |
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| Practice Self-Compassion | Being kind to yourself in moments of failure or guilt helps you recover emotionally and maintain self-worth. |
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How can therapy help?
Working with excessive guilt and self-criticism can often be overwhelming. If you constantly feel like you are doing something wrong and are finding it hard to overcome it, consider consulting a therapist. A therapist can help you reach the root causes of this belief and will also help you develop strategies to overcome it. Click here to book a session with our trained therapists and start your journey towards self-compassion right away.
Conclusion:
The constant feeling of doing something wrong is often a result of various factors such as perfectionism, critical self-talk, negative childhood experiences and constant comparison with others. By increasing self-awareness, practising positive affirmation, challenging negative thoughts and seeking support when needed, we can learn that mistakes are a part of life and don’t define who we are.
References:
- 10 reasons you feel like everything you do is wrong, according to psychology. (2023, March 30). A Conscious Rethink. https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/22447/everything-i-do-is-wrong/
- What Is a Guilt Complex? (n.d.-a). Retrieved February 9, 2024, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/guilt-complex/
- What Is a Guilt Complex? (n.d.-b). Verywell Mind. Retrieved February 9, 2024, from https://www.verywellmind.com/guilt-complex-definition-symptoms-traits-causes-treatment-5115946
