Before you start reading this article, I want you to see these figures.
When you are looking at them, do you feel not so good about the gaps in the figures? Even though there are distinct gaps in both the figures, we tend to see them as whole: A circle and A Square. This highlights the tendency of humans to fill the imaginary gaps to perceive everything as whole to give it the fruitful meaning.
“This filling in the gap and spaces of unknown to attain a meaning and perspective is called Closure”
Why do we need closure in broken relationships?
How to give someone closure:
- Holding on to the past too tightly
- Someone might still see the ray of hope to get back together
- Unanswered questions from the partner
Breaking up with someone, particularly when you believe your partner will not share the same sentiment, is not easy to do. It is difficult to take responsibility for your true feelings and give honest reasons for the break-up, knowing that you are hurting another person who likely cares very much about you. Not only does giving closure mean you have to take responsibility for your actions in the relationship, and potentially feel guilty for ending a relationship, but it also means you may discover aspects of yourself, as expressed by your former partner, that you may have otherwise chosen to ignore.
How to give yourself closure:
If your partner refuses to give you closure after you have repeatedly asked for it, ask yourself whether the type of person you imagined him or her to be would treat you with such indignity, and whether the future you might have imagined together included this characteristic. Chances are, your answer is ‘no’. Therefore, you can begin to reconcile the fact that perhaps you imagined your partner to be someone he or she is not and forgive yourself for trusting someone who has hurt you.
Closure can happen through:
- Time to grieve
- Build new memories
- No blame game/ guilt inducing actions
Giving a satisfying closure with a conversation might not be everyone’s cup of tea. It puts person in vulnerable position and might open the wounds but that’s where the strength lies. Maybe, hearing it from the other person gives us a sense of their acknowledgment and accountability that leads to our acceptance of facts. Last but not the least, closure comes by being empathetic. Accepting their perspective, a perspective which cannot be right can also not be wrong, of the other person.
If you want a closure, it’s certainly time to fill the gaps!