Humans are social beings, thus, we naturally crave care and affection. However, many times, when someone shows us they care, it can trigger a surprising sense of discomfort. Though this reaction is odd, it is quite common for many of us to feel this way. In this article, we’ll look at a few reasons why care and affection can make us feel uncomfortable while also looking at ways to overcome it.
Why does care cause discomfort for some people?
There are many reasons why people may feel uncomfortable receiving care, some of them are:
-
Care Brings Vulnerability
Care often requires emotional vulnerability. It means opening yourself up to someone and trusting them with your feelings. It can be very difficult and scary, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. Vulnerability also means that the other person gets to see your true self, even your flaws, opening yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt or rejected. All these feelings can be overwhelming, causing discomfort
-
Self Esteem Issues
A lot of times, we struggle to accept care or affection, due to low self-esteem. If you struggle with believing you’re worthy of love and attention, you might find it difficult to accept kindness from others because it goes against your views about yourself. You may even be worried that others will eventually see your flaws and stop caring or giving affection.
-
Negative Past Experiences
Previous negative experiences of, abuse, or neglect may significantly impact your ability to trust others. If you have been hurt by someone you believed was trustworthy, (like your parents or significant others), you might find it difficult to trust others. This can result in discomfort or doubt when someone shows genuine concern for your well-being
-
Fear Of Expectations
When someone cares, it can feel like they have some underlying expectations of you. You might worry about disappointing them or failing to respond to their care, leading to anxiety and discomfort. This fear can be a result of previous experiences where you believed that you were unable to meet the expectations of others
-
Fear Of Dependence
There is a common fear that accepting care from others will make you dependent on them. This fear of dependence often comes from a desire to be independent or self-reliant. Accepting care can leave you feeling like you are becoming too reliant on someone else for emotional support.
How To Break Free And Accept Care?
-
Identify Triggers
Start by reflecting on situations where you felt uneasy when someone showed you care. What were the circumstances? What thoughts and emotions did you experience? Identifying these triggers can help you anticipate and navigate them more effectively.
-
Start Small
Building trust and comfort takes time. Start by accepting small acts of care in your life. Maybe it’s letting a friend help you with a task or accepting a compliment. Allow yourself to feel the positive emotions associated with these acts, even if it’s just for a moment.
-
Cultivate Self-Compassion
Improving your self-esteem and self-worth is crucial to accepting care. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and compassion, like you’d treat a friend.. Remind yourself that you are deserving of care, as much as anyone else.
-
Communicate Honestly
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by someone’s care, try expressing your feelings calmly and clearly. Let them know that you value their affection but are working on building your comfort level with emotional intimacy.
-
Seek Professional Help
If you are experiencing severe discomfort in accepting care, and you see it impacting your relationships, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore the root of your discomfort and provide you with tools to navigate challenging emotions.
Conclusion:
Feeling uncomfortable when someone cares about you is a common experience for many. By understanding the factors, and root causes and actively working on them, you can slowly learn to accept and appreciate the care and affection of others, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
References:
- Teach Yourself to Receive Love in 5 Steps—Good Clean Love. (n.d.). Retrieved June 6, 2024, from https://goodcleanlove.com/blogs/making-love-sustainable/teach-yourself-to-receive-love-in-5-steps
- Why Can’t I Let Love In? | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved June 6, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201403/why-cant-i-let-love-in
- Why We Struggle to Receive Love | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved June 6, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/platonic-love/202102/why-we-struggle-receive-love
