Romantic relationships are often a source of support and companionship; however, they can also be challenging at the same time. Although conflict is integral to relationships, disagreements or arguments can be extremely stressful for some people. Sometimes conflicts may even trigger anxiety or panic attacks in people, making them even more difficult to navigate. In this article, we’ll explore a few reasons why your partner might be experiencing panic attacks during arguments. We will also discuss strategies so that both of you can manage and cope with the situation effectively..
Why do arguments cause panic attacks for some people?
A panic attack is a complex condition, usually triggered by a stressful situation; however, there are multiple reasons why someone might have panic attacks during an argument. A few of them are:
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Fear of Abandonment
Relationship conflicts can trigger deep-seated fears, such as the fear of abandonment. When someone is afraid of abandonment, they are more likely to avoid conflicts in relationships because they fear their partner will leave them. Thus, arguments may trigger fears regarding abandonment, leading to a panic attack.
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Past Experiences
Past traumatic or negative experiences related to relationships or other aspects of life can significantly impact how people respond to conflict. If your partner has past traumas related to relationships, arguments may end up triggering traumatic memories, leading to a panic attack.
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Feeling Overwhelmed
A constant back and forth during an argument can often be overwhelming, leading to a lot of intense emotions. When emotions are overwhelming or too difficult to handle, it may trigger a panic attack. Sometimes feelings of being misunderstood can also cause panic attacks.
How to support your partner during a panic attack?
Watching your partner can be quite overwhelming; however, you can help them feel safe and calm through various strategies. Let’s look at them through the table below:
Tip |
Explanation |
How It Helps |
|---|---|---|
Time-Out |
Take a pause when your partner experiences a panic attack instead of continuing the argument. Engage in soothing activities like listening to music or reading. | Prevents escalation, gives both partners time to calm down, and reduces anxiety during conflict. |
Identify Triggers for Panic |
Have a conversation about what aspects of arguments make your partner anxious or panicked. | Helps anticipate and manage triggers, making arguments less likely to provoke panic. |
Gentle Start-Up |
Begin difficult conversations calmly and respectfully, avoiding blame. Use “I” statements instead of “You” statements (e.g., “I need us to talk more” instead of “You are not talking to me”). | Reduces defensiveness and anxiety, creating a safer space for discussion. |
Assure |
Reassure your partner that the argument’s goal is to improve the relationship, not to blame them. | Provides emotional safety, reducing fear and panic during discussions. |
Establish Ground Rules |
Set rules like avoiding personal attacks and taking breaks when needed. | Creates a more constructive and supportive environment during disagreements. |
Self-Care |
Ensure you are taking care of your own emotional and physical well-being. | Helps you stay calm, patient, and supportive, preventing burnout or added stress. |
How can couples therapy help?
Many times, panic attacks may persist during arguments despite your best efforts. At such times, it is important to explore the underlying roots of the conflict in couples therapy. A couple’s therapist can create a safe environment for deeper conversations between you and your partner while also helping you build skills to manage panic attacks and arguments effectively.
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Conclusion
Conflicts and arguments are a part of every relationship, but sometimes these conflicts can become recurrent, causing stress and panic attacks. At such times, it is important to have open conversations and cultivate support and understanding so that both of you can manage the situation effectively. However, if conflicts are becoming extremely distressing without reaching any tangible solutions, you might want to consult a couple’s therapist.
References
- 17 Tips for Dating Someone With Anxiety. (n.d.). Choosing Therapy. Retrieved January 5, 2024, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/dating-someone-with-anxiety/
- Alyssa. (2021, February 3). Top 10 Panic Attack Triggers | Banyan Mental Health. Mental Health Program at Banyan Treatment Centers. https://www.banyanmentalhealth.com/2021/02/03/top-10-panic-attack-triggers/
- Lisitsa, E. (2013, March 16). How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Start-Up. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/softening-startup/
