Is it normal to want personal space in a relationship?

The start of a new relationship can feel exciting, and you may want to spend every minute of the day with your partner. However, as the relationship grows, you may want a bit of personal space or ‘me time’ as well. Are you wondering if that’s normal? Yes, of course it is. As the initial phase of a relationship settles, it is normal and healthy for both partners to spend some time apart. This shouldn’t be taken as a sign of the relationship failing but as a step towards individual growth that will eventually strengthen the relationship. Let’s understand the concept of personal space in depth

What is personal space?

Simply put, personal space in relationships refers to the time that both partners need to do things and be alone. This allows both partners to discover their needs and interests as individuals outside of their relationship. It does not mean that partners have lost interest in being together; it’s a sign that they want to grow as individuals while being in the relationship. Personal space can bring many changes and benefits to the relationship, such as:

• Preserving individuality

A relationship is ultimately made of two individuals, so it’s natural for both partners to have their own social circles, needs and interests. Maintaining personal space allows both partners to preserve their passions, hobbies, and interests, ensuring they can be their authentic selves.

• Conflict resolution

Losing individual interests, hobbies or social connections in relationships can often cause conflicts. Personal space gives partners the time to not only connect with themselves but also reflect on any conflicts in the relationship. This individual reflection can help conflict resolution.

• Personal growth

While it’s natural for people to grow with their partners, individual growth is equally important. Personal space allows partners to focus on self-improvement, whether it is learning new hobbies or career development. 

• Prevents dependency

It’s natural for partners to rely on each other for support in a relationship. However, unhealthy reliance on one’s partner can create emotional dependency. Having personal space builds resilience and ensures that both partners can stand on their own, making the relationship more balanced.

How much personal space is healthy in a relationship?

To be honest, there is no right answer to this. The space required for every couple depends on the needs of both partners. However, a healthy relationship is about balance that allows both partners to grow as individuals without compromising the quality of their relationship. It’s about openly communicating with each other about individual needs and finding a common ground that feels achievable to both.

How To Ask For Personal Space?

The conversation about personal space can be tricky and must be handled with sensitivity and respect. Here are a few strategies for the same:

• Before you discuss it with your partner, take some time to reflect on the reasons why you need personal space. This will make the conversation easier.
• Express your feelings with empathy and reassure your partner that wanting space does not mean a loss of interest in the relationship.
• Discuss how personal space can benefit you and your partner, such as improved communication, reduced conflicts, and personal growth
• Allow your partner to express their perspective and validate their feelings without judgement
• Regularly keep checking in with each other to ensure that you both feel comfortable and supported. Open communication is crucial to building trust.
• While personal space is important, equally prioritize spending time with each other so that your relationship grows simultaneously.

Conclusion:

It is normal to want and have personal space in a relationship. It should be considered as a threat but an opportunity to grow as individuals  A healthy personal space can preserve individuality, prevent dependency and reduce conflict, all of which can help your relationship to flourish in the long run. So don’t be afraid to ask for personal space whenever you need it. After all, it’s not just for self-care but also allows you to bring the best version of yourself into the relationship.

References:

1. Dowd, G. (2023, May 4). The Importance of Personal Space in Relationships. Grace Therapy Austin. https://www.gracetherapyaustin.com/post/the-importance-of-personal-space-in-relationships
2. How Much Space in a Relationship Is Normal? (n.d.). Retrieved January 23, 2025, from https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/how-much-space-in-a-relationship-is-normal/
3. Microgility. (2024, November 18). Why is Personal Space Important? Guide to Healthy Boundaries. Faith Behaviroal Health. https://faithbehavioralhealth.com/why-is-personal-space-important/