Relationships and marriages can be enriching yet challenging. Sometimes, these challenges can be overwhelming, leading to conflicts. In such situations, couples can seek help from a couples therapist to work through their differences. But what happens when one partner is ready to seek help while the other isn’t?
The good news is that your partner’s refusal to seek couples therapy does not have to bring your relationship to a dead end. Here are some ways to navigate the situation effectively
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Understand your partner’s perspective
The idea of couples therapy might be extremely daunting for some people, especially in a country like India where mental health is still a taboo topic and relationship issues are seen as a private matter not to be discussed outside the family. Take time to understand why your partner’s resistance. Allow them to express their feelings without interruption and approach the conversation with genuine interest.
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Don’t judge or blame them
While it is natural to feel frustrated when your partner resists couples therapy, avoid any judgements and blame. Judgements and blame can often escalate tensions and lead to conflicts instead of productive communication. Focus on creating a safe environment and have open conversations about how you can improve the relationship.
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Openly share your feelings
Talk to your partner openly about why couples therapy is important for you and how it will help the relationship. Use gentle I statements such as ‘I feel we can work together to strengthen our connection in couples therapy’. Using I statements keeps the focus on your feelings rather than making your partner defensive. If you want to know more on how to bring up couples therapy with your partner, read this article
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Start with a trial
If your partner is hesitant, suggest the option of trying couples therapy for a few sessions or on a short-term basis, like two to three sessions, to evaluate if it’s helpful. This can reduce the pressure on your partner to commit to the therapy process.
What if my partner doesn’t agree to couples therapy?
Remember, it is completely okay If your partner continues to resist even after an open conversation, there are still other options you can explore, such as:
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Try individual therapy
While couples therapy is effective for relationship issues, individual therapy can be helpful as well. It provides you with a safe space to express your concerns while also helping you address any unhelpful thoughts or behaviours that might be impacting your relationship, thus leading to positive changes.
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Start with small steps
While the idea of couples therapy can be overwhelming, you can always start with other small steps to improve your relationship, such as reading self-help books for couples, attending couples workshops or watching videos that offer practical tips and strategies. These little steps can take your relationship towards positive changes.
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Reflect on what has already worked
All relationships go through highs and lows. In times of conflict, it might be helpful to think about what has previously worked and brought you close as a couple. Was it spending quality time together or showing affection? Going back to these habits can rekindle your connection.
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Appreciation and gratitude
Expressing appreciation for your partner’s efforts and acknowledging even small contributions can go a long way in changing the dynamic and atmosphere of your relationship. Appreciation and gratitude create mutual respect, which can help reduce conflict.
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Seek support from others
Reach out to trusted friends and family members to share your feelings. Sometimes, hearing from someone who has been through similar challenges can provide validation and a different perspective.
Conclusion:
It is completely normal for some people, including your partner, to feel apprehensive towards couples therapy, as it can feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. Open conversation, empathy and other approaches such as individual therapy, self-help books, couple workshops and cultivating gratitude can help you work through relationship issues. In the end, it is patience, understanding and willingness to be together that matter the most.
References:
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- 5 Tips if Your Partner Won’t go to Couples Therapy. (2015, August 31). Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/what-to-do-when-your-partner-doesnt-want-to-attend-couples-counseling
- Counseling, L. T. (2018, December 13). How To Make Progress When Your Spouse Refuses Marriage Therapy. Lime Tree Counseling. https://limetreecounseling.com/spouse-refuses-marriage-therapy/
- What to Do When Your Partner Won’t Go to Couples Therapy | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved January 9, 2025, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mindful-relationships/202305/what-to-do-when-your-partner-wont-go-to-couples-therapy
