Every couple fights and argues. It is a natural part of being in a relationship or marriage. While healthy conflict can lead to effective problem-solving, frequent unhealthy conflict can be detrimental to the mental and physical health of both partners and even their children.
Parental conflict can feel threatening and scary to children, leaving them feeling unsafe and confused. Thus, protecting your children from its negative effects is crucial to their well-being. Let’s look at a few strategies for this.
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Keep your arguments private
Frequent exposure to intense conflict can leave deep emotional scars on the minds of young children. Hence, parents must resolve their arguments in private spaces away from their children.
As soon as you sense that a conflict is escalating, try to take it to a private space like your bedroom or postpone the argument until you have some privacy to ensure that your children are not witnesses to your conflict.
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Be respectful
Even when a conflict escalates, ensure that there’s no screaming or name-calling. Frequent shouting can create an unsafe atmosphere for children, triggering emotions such as sadness and fear. Instead, practice handling conflicts calmly through active listening and open communication. Respectful conflict resolution creates a healthy atmosphere for kids while setting a positive example.
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Check-in on your child
Even when parents argue in private, children can quickly sense any tension in their environment. Hence, it is important to check in on how they are feeling about the argument. Allowing children to open up about their emotions encourages safety while offering support.
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Avoid making the children a messenger
Sometimes parents may intentionally or unintentionally use children as messengers to communicate with each other during arguments. However, using your child as a messenger may create a lot of discomfort for them, leading to sadness, guilt anxiety and even anger. Ensure you communicate directly with your partner without involving children.
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Let them know it’s not their fault
Often, children may hold themselves responsible for conflicts between parents even when they have nothing to do with the situation. Reassure them that disagreements are a normal part of relationships and that their parents will work together to resolve them.
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Don’t blame your partner in front of the kids
Blaming or criticizing your partner in front of kids might create an environment of uneasiness, leaving them confused and sometimes even forced to pick sides. Thus, it is important to keep criticisms private and deal with them constructively if children are witnessing a conflict.
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Model healthy conflict resolution
Children are likely to observe and pick up on cues from their environment, especially when they are very young. These observations play a significant role in shaping their behaviour around others. If you handle disagreements gently with patience and active listening, children are likely to develop those skills. So focus on modelling healthy conflict management skills.
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Spend time as a family
After a conflict or disagreement, make conscious efforts to spend quality time as a family. This helps create positive experiences for children by showing them that their parents are together despite occasional conflicts. Positive experiences like sharing meals, and playing with children can all help rebuild emotional security that might be shaken during conflict.
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Seek therapy if needed
If you notice that arguments are quite intense, frequent and difficult to manage, consider seeking help from a trained therapist. Couples therapy or family counselling can provide a safe space to address conflicts constructively. A therapist can also help parents develop healthier communication strategies, ensuring a more stable and safe environment for kids,
Conclusion:
Occasional disagreements and conflict are a part of all relationships, even the very healthy ones, but these conflicts can leave a lasting impact on young children’s minds. Thus, effective conflict resolution is crucial. By keeping conflicts private, remaining respectful and reassuring children, and modelling healthy conflict resolution, parents can ensure their children feel safe. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate arguments but to resolve them effectively to create a secure and loving environment for children.
References:
- Arguing in Front of Your Kids Happens: Here’s How to Keep It Healthy. (2020, October 6). Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/arguing-in-front-of-kids-healthy
- How To Handle Relationship Conflict With Kids. (n.d.). Naomi Light. Retrieved February 1, 2025, from https://naomilight.com/blog/how-to-handle-relationship-conflict-when-you-have-kids
- How To Protect Your Kids From Marital Conflict—The Place. (2020, June 1). https://theplace.org.il/how-to-protect-your-kids-from-marital-conflict
- Seven ways to protect children from conflict | Jones Myers. (n.d.). Retrieved February 1, 2025, from https://www.jonesmyers.co.uk/seven-ways-to-protect-children-from-conflict/
