Marriage is often associated with togetherness and companionship; however, sometimes it can feel isolating and lonely. While it is normal for spouses to feel disconnected or lonely for some time, especially if the couple is going through a major transition such as having a child or in a long-distance marriage, prolonged periods of loneliness can hurt the intimacy in the relationship and may even lead to conflict. Thus, managing loneliness is crucial for a healthy marriage. In this article, we’ll look at a few strategies to help spouses overcome marriage loneliness.
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Share your feelings with your spouse.
While it may seem difficult, openly telling your spouse about your feelings is essential. Have an honest conversation with your partner, candidly sharing how you feel. Expressing your feelings honestly can lead to a healthy conversation in which you and your spouse can plan towards working on these feelings.
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Do not blame
While sharing your feelings and thoughts about loneliness, be careful not to blame your partner for the situation. Blame can often lead to defensiveness and conflict, worsening feelings of loneliness. Instead, phrase your feelings in the form of a discussion where you invite your partner to work together. Collaborating to work on loneliness can enhance emotional connection in the relationship.
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Look for what changed.
Reflect on what might be contributing to the feelings of loneliness. Have you and your spouse been stressed with work recently, or are there family obligations that leave you with limited time to spend together? Identifying the cause of loneliness can give you clues about managing it.
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Prioritize communication
One of the most common reasons for spouses to feel lonely in a marriage is a lack of communication. Meaningful communication often goes beyond just talking about everyday chores or responsibilities; it involves understanding each other’s feelings and being there for each other emotionally. So, set aside time every day when you and your spouse can have quality conversations.
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Be intentional about quality time.
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, says that it is essential to have rituals of connection in a marriage. Rituals of connection are some things that you and your spouse do every day to feel connected It can be something as simple as eating dinner together or going for a walk. These shared experiences can enhance intimacy
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Express Gratitude
Expressing appreciation towards your spouse can be a powerful way of reducing loneliness in a marriage. When spouses express gratitude towards each other, it can create an environment of mutual respect in the relationship. Also, when spouses feel valued and appreciated, it creates intimacy, which can reduce loneliness
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Don’t forget self-care
Loneliness often reflects unmet needs, which can sometimes be addressed through self-care. Engage in activities that enhance your own well-being, whether it is reading, exercising, or developing new hobbies. Taking time to attend to your needs can not only help with loneliness but also bring a renewed sense of energy to your relationship.
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Seek support from friends and family
Creating a support system outside of your spouse can be crucial to overcoming periods of loneliness. Make time to regularly connect with your friends and family. They can provide a sense of connection along with understanding and emotional support, reducing loneliness.
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Consider Couple’s or Individual Therapy
If loneliness persists despite your efforts, consider seeking help from a trained therapist to address these feelings. An individual therapist can provide insight into the reasons for loneliness while also providing you with tools to cope with it, while a couple’s therapist can help you manage the impact of loneliness on the relationship between you and your spouse. Apart from that, couples therapy can also help you and your spouse to reconnect and establish intimacy, reducing loneliness.
Conclusion:
While some periods of disconnection and loneliness exist in every marriage, extended periods of loneliness can really hurt the mental health of spouses, impacting the overall relationship. However, one can overcome loneliness in a marriage by having an open conversation with your spouse and by making quality time a priority, while seeking support from friends and family. Lastly, remember that overcoming loneliness takes effort and patience, so be persistent with your efforts and don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional if required.
References:
- Relationship Real Talk: Loneliness in Marriage. (2015, February 18). Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/loneliness-within-marriage
- What to Do If You’re Married and Lonely. (n.d.). Retrieved October 25, 2024, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-if-youre-married-but-lonely-5207913
- What to Do When You’re Married and Lonely: 13 Tips to Reconnect. (n.d.). ChoosingTherapy.Com. Retrieved October 25, 2024, from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/married-but-lonely/
