Have you ever felt unheard or misunderstood in a relationship? Imagine sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions with your partner, only to be met with criticism or disinterest. Feels hurtful, isn’t it? Empathy—the ability to understand and respond to the feelings of others—is crucial to building long-term connections and healthy relationships. A lack of empathy can be detrimental, leaving one or both partners feeling ignored and lonely. This article will explore how a lack of empathy affects relationships while discussing a few ways to cultivate it.
What Does Lack of Empathy Do to Relationships?
A lack of empathy can cause several issues in the relationship, such as:
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Poor communication
Empathy is an essential part of effective communication. Without empathy, most conversations can feel superficial or confrontational. A lack of empathy may also make conversations unproductive. When partners struggle to understand each other’s feelings for a long time, it may lead to a communication breakdown.
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Increased conflict
Diminished or poor communication often leads to increased relationship conflicts. Without empathy, partners struggle to understand each other’s perspectives and feel stuck in a cycle of misunderstanding and frustration. This may turn small disagreements into unresolved arguments over time.
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Lack of emotional connection
Developing a deep emotional connection with one’s partner requires vulnerability or the ability to share deepest feelings. Without empathy, conversations may lack emotional depth, leading to a lack of emotional intimacy between partners.
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Reduced Relationship Satisfaction
Whether it is communication, intimacy or conflict management, empathy is crucial to all aspects of the relationship. Conversely, a lack of empathy can leave partners struggling with similar conflicts, reducing relationship satisfaction over time. Multiple research studies have also found the significant impact of empathy on increased relationship satisfaction.
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Mental health issues
While a healthy relationship can improve mental health among partners, a lack of empathy can leave partners prone to mental health issues such as feelings of loneliness and low confidence. In fact, 2010 research found that empathy in relationships can protect partners from issues such as depression, whereas a lack of empathy may increase the risk of depression.
How Can You Build Empathy In Your Relationship?
While we know that a lack of empathy can hurt relationships, the good news is that empathy is a skill that can be learnt with practice. In this section, we’ll discuss a few ways for partners to be more empathetic in their relationships.
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Active Listening
Empathy is all about understanding your partner’s feelings, and true understanding can only come with active listening—a kind of listening where you go beyond words to observe your partner’s tone and body language to catch the essence of their experience.
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Do not judge
It’s quite natural and almost instinctual sometimes to jump to conclusions and offer solutions when your partner comes to you with issues. However, jumping to conclusions can leave your partner feeling unheard. Instead, avoid any judgements.
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Think from your partner’s perspective
One of the most effective ways to be empathetic is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Imagine you are in the same situation as your partner. Now consider your partner’s state of mind, experiences and thoughts. Based on that, how might they be feeling? What would they need at this moment? Take some time to reflect on these questions.
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Share your feelings
Empathy is not just about understanding others but also effectively communicating your feelings. Share your own feelings and insecurities with your partner. Mutual sharing cultivates safety and honesty in the relationship, deepening emotional connection.
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Seek professional help
If a lack of empathy causes severe disturbance and conflict in the relationship, consider seeking professional help from a couples therapist. A couple therapist can help you both express your feelings in a safe space while also providing tools to improve communication and empathy.
Conclusion:
Empathy sets the foundation for a strong relationship. A relationship without empathy can lead to communication breakdown and leave partners struggling with conflicts and feelings of dissatisfaction. However, with active listening, a non-judgmental attitude and mutual sharing of feelings, partners can build empathy and create a deep emotional connection over time. So, start with small steps and remember to along the way to an empathetic relationship.
References:
- Cramer, D., & Jowett, S. (2010). Perceived empathy, accurate empathy and relationship satisfaction in heterosexual couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 27(3), 327–349. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407509348384
- Empathy and Human Relationships, NYC. (n.d.). Retrieved January 22, 2025, from https://integrative-psych.org/resources/empathy-and-human-relationships
- Jardine, B. B., Vannier, S., & Voyer, D. (2022). Emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Personality and Individual Differences, 196, 111713. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2022.111713
- What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy. (n.d.). Verywell Mind. Retrieved January 22, 2025, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-if-you-or-a-loved-one-lack-empathy-5199257
