Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel like you’re constantly reassuring your partner, friend, or family member, only to see their anxiety return again and again? If so, you’re not alone. Constant reassurance seeking is a common yet challenging behaviour that affects many relationships, leaving both people in the relationship with feelings of resentment and exhaustion. Thus, it is crucial to address reassurance seeking mutually and constructively. Here are a few ways to address it with empathy and care:
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Identify where it comes from
The first step to address reassurance seeking constructively is to understand its roots. This behavior may stem from various issues such as low self-esteem, attachment styles or past trauma. Sometimes, it can also stem from mental health conditions such as anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Having an open conversation with your loved one regarding the reasons for reassurance seeking can help you approach them with compassion without judgment.
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Validate their feelings
As discussed before, reassurance seeking is rooted in past traumas or deeper issues. Thus, understanding and validating your loved one’s feelings is crucial. Acknowledge their feelings by saying things like, “I understand this is really hard for you,” or “Your feelings are valid, and I’m here for you.” It is important to know that validation doesn’t mean agreeing with every worry, but it involves respecting their emotional experience
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Express how you feel
While it is crucial to validate your loved one, ignoring your feelings in the long run can lead to unresolved anger and resentment. Thus, it is equally important to express how you feel when they seek constant reassurance. This can help you have a mutual dialogue about each other’s needs. Use I statements during the conversation to communicate without blame.
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Collaborate to manage triggers
Ask your loved one and work together to find out what triggers their need for reassurance. Is it a particular situation, time or memory? Once you find the trigger, discuss ways to manage their anxiety, such as trusting themselves, journaling, listening to a song, etc. Collaboration builds trust and empowers both of you.
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Self-care
Even with your best intentions and efforts, it can be emotionally draining to support someone with a constant need for reassurance. So, ensure that you have enough time and support for your own well-being. This might include self-care activities such as having a schedule, hobbies, exercising and taking regular breaks. The better and healthier you are, the easier it will be to support your loved one.
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Set boundaries
If constant reassurance seeking becomes overwhelming, it might be essential to set healthy and appropriate boundaries with your loved one. Have an open conversation with them about what kind of support you can provide, when you are available, and what they can expect from you. Setting clear, compassionate limits helps prevent burnout and encourages your loved one to develop other coping skills
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Seek support from loved ones
Sharing your own feelings or experiences with your loved ones can bring emotional relief. So don’t hesitate to reach out to your friends, family or other loved ones to talk about your feelings or seek practical advice. Sometimes, talking to someone with similar experiences can be incredibly validating too.
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Professional help
Many times, reassurance-seeking behavior from a loved one can persist no matter how hard you try. It can become extremely draining and even unhealthy over time. At such times, it is crucial to seek professional support from a trained therapist for both you and your loved one. A therapist can help the reassurance seeker work through underlying issues while also providing you both with tools to cope, making it a mutually beneficial experience. Suggest professional support to your loved one gently, without force.
Conclusion:
Dealing with someone who needs constant reassurance can be incredibly draining. However, you can help them through various strategies such as identifying the root cause, providing appropriate validation, managing triggers and clear communication while also setting healthy boundaries and recommending professional support when needed. With patience and open communication, you can find a balance that honors their needs without affecting your well-being in the process.
References:
- Help an Anxious Loved One Break the Reassurance Cycle | Psychology Today. (n.d.). Retrieved June 28, 2025, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liberate-yourself/202105/help-anxious-loved-one-break-the-reassurance-cycle
- Medcalf, A. (2024, December 9). When They Need Constant Reassurance and Validation. Abby Medcalf. https://abbymedcalf.com/what-to-do-when-they-need-constant-reassurance-and-validation/
- Needing Reassurance in a Relationship. (2017, October 15). Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/relationships/some-reassuring-thoughts-about-needing-reassurance
- Ph.D, L. W. (2024, September 9). Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance? What You Need to Know. https://manhattancbt.com/why-do-i-need-constant-reassurance
