Relationship Boundaries, Personal Space and Communication Problems

Understanding Closure in Relationships

Before you start reading this article, I want you to see these figures. When you are looking at them, do you feel not so good about the gaps in the figures? Even though there are distinct gaps in both the figures, we tend to see them as whole: A circle and A Square. This highlights the tendency of humans to fill the imaginary gaps to perceive everything as whole to give it the fruitful meaning.

"This filling in the gap and spaces of unknown to attain a meaning and perspective is called Closure"

Why do we need closure in broken relationships?

1. Holding on to the past too tightly
2. Someone might still see the ray of hope to get back together
3. Unanswered questions from the partner

How to give someone closure

Breaking up with someone, particularly when you believe your partner will not share the same sentiment, is not easy to do. It is difficult to take responsibility for your true feelings and give honest reasons for the break-up, knowing that you are hurting another person who likely cares very much about you. Not only does giving closure mean you have to take responsibility for your actions in the relationship, and potentially feel guilty for ending a relationship, but it also means you may discover aspects of yourself, as expressed by your former partner, that you may have otherwise chosen to ignore.

How to give yourself closure

If your partner refuses to give you closure after you have repeatedly asked for it, ask yourself whether the type of person you imagined him or her to be would treat you with such indignity, and whether the future you might have imagined together included this characteristic. Chances are, your answer is 'no'. Therefore, you can begin to reconcile the fact that perhaps you imagined your partner to be someone he or she is not and forgive yourself for trusting someone who has hurt you.

Closure can happen through:

1. Acceptance
2. Acknowledgement
3. Time to grieve
4. Build new memories
5. No blame game/ guilt inducing actions

Giving a satisfying closure with a conversation might not be everyone's cup of tea. It puts person in vulnerable position and might open the wounds but that's where the strength lies. Maybe, hearing it from the other person gives us a sense of their acknowledgment and accountability that leads to our acceptance of facts. Last but not the least, closure comes by being empathetic. Accepting their perspective, a perspective which cannot be right can also not be wrong, of the other person. If you want a closure, it's certainly time to fill the gaps!

Long-Distance Relationships: How to Overcome The Challenges?

Long-distance relationships are certainly different from those where couples are living together. These relationships can also leave you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Unlike a regular relationship, there's a lack of opportunity to make up after a fight with just a hug or find solace in other things that are comfortable for you and your partner. There are fewer ways to express emotions that one may feel towards a partner, most of the time limited to virtual.

It is then safe to say that long-distance relationships come with a completely different set of challenges.

Some of the common long-distance relationship issues are:

1. Feeling Insecure

We all feel insecure about our relationships, and it is quite normal to feel this way. There are also times when we might feel threatened or inadequate, wondering what our loved one might be doing in our absence.

However, when insecurity starts to last for a long time and becomes chronic, it can pose a serious problem for your relationship and take a toll on your emotional and physical well-being. The actions that result from insecurity, such as constantly checking up on your partner, asking for reassurance, etc., can make you less respectful of your partner's boundaries.

Hence, here are some ways to deal with insecurity in a long-distance relationship:

• Tell your partner how you're feeling and what it is that you're worried about. This is authentic and good communication, and gives your partner a chance to respond, reassure you, and get to know you better.
• However, if deep insecurity is something you suffer from, you can try the following small steps to eliminate this feeling.
• Build your self-esteem
• Develop trust in yourself
• Keep your independence

2. Miscommunications

Misunderstandings and miscommunications happen ever so frequently when you are sharing your life with someone over the phone or on WhatsApp.

When you're in a long-distance relationship, it is much harder to interpret nonverbal cues like gestures, body language, facial expressions, eye contact, and even voice tone. It's very easy to misjudge when someone is being sarcastic, or joking. This makes effective communication that much harder.

How To Address Miscommunication In Relationships?

An effective way to address miscommunication is to seek clarification from your partner about what they meant if they said something hurtful to you. Often, a simple explanation from them can go a very long way in clearing any doubts or misunderstandings that might have occurred in communication. Even if it doesn't, taking time to pause, ask for clarification and reflect will help you respond thoughtfully rather than just react.

3. Jealousy

Feeling a little jealous is not unusual, especially when you are in a long-distance relationship separated from your loved one. A normal amount of jealousy can spark appreciation for your partner and help build a new level of attraction for them.

However, it should be noted that uncontrolled jealousy can lead to a destructive combination of suspicion, guilt, possessiveness, insecurity, anger, and shame.

Following few steps might prove to be helpful and eliminate your feelings of jealousy –

• Ask yourself why you are feeling jealous. (What sorts of situations or moments are arousing your jealousy? Are there specific things that your partner is doing or not doing that are feeding your jealousy? Is your jealousy a general problem, or are your jealous feelings focused on specific situations or one particular person?
• Talk with your partner (Don't start with accusations, Own your feelings, Tell your partner how they could help you, and Ask for their help)
• Put a leash on your imagination (Remind yourself of all the ways your partner has proven trustworthy in the past, Stop comparing, Shift your focus.)

4. Growing Apart

If your partner is far away, you might feel like some aspects of your relationship have slowed down. However, your life should continue. You mustn't stop learning to grow and change. You are both accumulating experiences and some of these experiences might even change you.

If you somehow feel you are drifting away from your partner, here are ways to work through the same.

• Regular visits in both directions
• Maintain good, regular communication and find a way to continue to learn new things and grow closer together even while you're far apart.
• Having regular couple time and doing activities that you like together.

5. Wanting Them To Respond To You Immediately

Very often, when you are in a long-distance relationship, you expect your partner to reply to you immediately. For some of us, this becomes a pattern, a habit, or a need. We start to expect and need them to pick up the phone every time we call and answer every text or email right away.

If you often feel this way, you might want to ask yourself the following questions for reflection –

• Do you get the sense that your partner is not responding to you as quickly as you'd like sometimes because they're genuinely busy or they need some time alone?
• Or are they routinely blowing you off and leaving you in limbo for long periods of time?
• Are your hopes and expectations about response time reasonable? Are they coming mostly from your genuine excitement to connect with your loved one, or are they often coming from a place of needing contact and reassurance that they are interested in you to feel happy?

Conclusion

In the end, every relationship has challenges–whether long distance or not. Long-distance relationships can be successful, provided both partners are committed to working together and dealing with any challenges along the way.

References

Four ways to stop feeling insecure in your relationships | Psychology Today Australia. (n.d.). Retrieved March 1, 2024, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/living-forward/201609/four-ways-stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships

McKay, L. (2015, March 10). 11 fast ways to stop jealousy in long distance relationships. Lasting The Distance. https://lastingthedistance.com/overcoming-jealousy-long-distance-relationships/

Narang, G. (2021, January 12). 18 long-distance relationship problems you should know. Bonobology.com. https://www.bonobology.com/long-distance-relationship-problems/

Pappalardo, M. (2022, April 8). How to fix 19 big long distance relationship problems fast. Lasting The Distance. https://lastingthedistance.com/long-distance-relationship-problems/

Seale, Q. (2012, December 30). Long distance relationship quotes. Keep Inspiring Me. https://www.keepinspiring.me/long-distance-relationship-quotes/